Since I've shifted a lot of my focus and time on writing, I've learned and accepted quite a few new things, including the following:
1. People are gonna get offended and/or take things personally no matter if I mean to offend or if what I write wasn't about them at all.
2. People will either love or hate my writing, hence why there's so many different authors, genres, etc to appeal to DIFFERENT audiences. We were never made/meant to be the same.
3. Writing is extremely intimate and exposing. I could very easily be swept off my feet by a guy who writes me notes, love letters, post-its, etc.
4. Writing is the hardest work I've ever done.
5. I do my best writing in the wee hours of the morning. UGH.
I've decided to focus my writing tonight on DATING, yes, dating (even if I should be saving all of my writing energy for an exciting new project I'm starting tomorrow morning, but I digress). A couple years ago I got a roommate who I consider to be the best roommate I've ever had and will probably ever have. We were roomies for two years and we had a blast talking about boys. We started ad-libbing a book called Barbies, Bimbos, and Bozo's - Dating in Mormon Culture (it's in the works, don't worry, I plan on it being the 2nd book I publish). One night when I was really frustrated with a particular young man I was dating at the time, she said to me, "Em, you need to stop finding these ball-less wonders!" From then on, we used this coined phrase to sum up either our lack of dating, frustrations within dating, etc etc. A lot of people have either been offended or confused by this phrase, so tonight I'm going to clarify what I mean when I say I want to date and eventually marry a guy with some balls.
As always, I have some disclaimers:
A.I know lots of girls who do things on this list.
B. I will admit without shame that I may or may not have used one of these myself. Don't think that I think I'm a perfect angel.
C. If you've done any of these things on the list, does it mean that I won't date you, or that you're not date-able material, or that girls won't go after you? No. Heck, some of you reading this may even be married!
Look at this list as more of things to stop doing/work on. We all want to be better people, (myself included) right?
However, if you get offended by this list, I'm not sorry, because as one great Apostle of the Lord said, "You choose to be offended." And God ain't wrong, honey child!
Moving on. Urbandictionary.com, the worst and most vulgar dictionary to date, actually got pretty close to what it means to have no balls. (I've edited it for the sake of the children):
"To be a spineless, whiney, balding, pu**y with mommy complexes and other troublesome issues."
To clarify and branch off of that, I've compiled a list of 20 ways you could fit my description. Most of these have to do with one of three things:
1. Excuses
2. Fears
3. Insecurities
However, they're much more fun and entertaining to get specific with! These 20 things come mostly from conversations I've had with multiple girls of all different ages, from all over the world, and yes, a few are from my own experiences (and no, I won't tell you which ones! =D) They are in no particular order because it's 2:frickin30 A.M. n that's too much work right now. With no further adieu:
YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE BALLS IF...
20. You left em with yo momma to keep yanking you around with, or you never got them back from an ex that you need to move on from.
19. A girl makes it really obvious she likes you but you keep her in "the friend zone" because of reason 1,2, or 3 above.
18. You are worried you'll lose her as a friend if you try and date her and mess up and then she'll hate you.
People don't say to marry your best friend because it's a cute cliche phrase. It's because it's what works best. If she's really a good friend, she'll work with you.
Also, guys and girls weren't really made to be "just friends", unless you're related or something - don't think I'm encouraging incest, please. Gross. But ask yourself this: Are you more worried about losing her as a friend, or losing her as love of your life and mother of your children? Just sayin'...
17. You don't want to commit to one girl because what if someone else better/hotter/richer/whatever comes along?
If you think this, then you're most likely gonna cheat on her in the future anyway. Save yourself, yo chillins, and your and her family the heartache NOW by getting rid of this excuse.
16. You pull the non-emergency family card to get out of a date.
Your parents got in a car wreck and you have to cancel? Totally understandable.
Your cousin is in town and you're cancelling to go to dinner with them instead?
DB status! Kick em to the curb ladies!
15. You get intimidated by a girl's income, possessions, height, degree(s)/career, returned missionary ;), status, looks, or the fact that she's not submissive and in the kitchen all the time.
14. You won't date a girl because she is better than you at/in _____________________________.
13. Her height makes you feel insecure or secure, whether she be almost as tall/almost as tall as you, (this is actually the one thing I'm shallow about and will not do) taller than you, or yes, way shorter than you!
When I see a guy that is 6'4" with a girl who is 5'2", it screams, "Yeah, check me out, I date this chick cuz it makes me feel big and powerful and protective and I feel really strong and manly when I can bench press her with one hand." Honestly, the guys I enjoy dating, kissing, hugging, and dancing with most are closer to my height.
12. You drop hints or make jokes about being with her instead of balling up and telling her how you really feel because (insert excuse).
11. You get offended by something a girl said/did and instead of communicating with her about it, you a.) put her in the friend zone, b.) turn on the dousche-bag switch c.) stop talking to her altogether.
10. You see another guy talking to the girl you like and instead of fighting to win her heart, you complain to your bros, give up, or call her a "insert swear word about girl here".
9. You lie.
8. You cheat.
7. "Because she's crazy!" is the #1 reason you use to answer why you stopped liking/broke up with a girl.
A friend of mine once told me "We know that all girls are crazy. You just have to decide which kind of crazy you can handle." Same goes for guys. "We know that all guys are dousches. We just have to decide what level/type of dousche we're willing to train and make better! :)
In all seriousness, you have to be willing to accept that everyone has their weaknesses; you just have to decide which weaknesses you can handle/work through/love them regardless of.
6. You say or do something hurtful to a girl and instead of communicating effectively, apologizing, or making up for it, you:
a.) See #12.
b.) See #13.
c.) Leave it alone and hope she'll just get over it
d.) Wait for her to talk to you again and play WoW or a side-dish girl in the meantime.
5. You string a lot of girls along because you have to have someone to boost your ego every now and then and you're afraid of being alone, all the while hoping they never find out about each other.
4. You say to yourself: "When I: do such and such, become this person, have the money, have a better career, get buff, etc, THEN I'll ask her out/pursue her."
3. You're afraid of rejection and intimacy, on any level.
Cool. Stay a bachleor and become one of those nasty old men who whistle at me and end up dying alone. More power to you.
2. You have to abuse a girl either mentally, physically, or emotionally to feel like you a man.
1. And the number one way you might be a ball-less wonder?
*DRUM ROLL*
You know love her/have strong feelings for her but you won't DO a thing about it because (See #'s 1,2, and 3 above the list).
Nuff said.
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