Summer Travels 2011

 
The phrase "things never work the way you plan them" is overused, but with my life, understated. I started my summer hoping to be moved to Las Vegas right after school got out and subbing at schools in Las Vegas all summer. Instead, there are zero jobs availabe, even through temp services, and in all actuality, I could've stayed at home all summer with how out of town I've been with travels associated with various things.
  I am finally moved in to Vegas halfway through the summer, and although I have made zero extra money, that hasn't stopped me from traveling...
Unfortunately I feel like a lot of my traveling has been the result of bad decisions. Any savings I've put away have been strictly for one thing: travel. What have they been used for? Repairs on my car and unexpected "go-wrongs". That's what savings is SUPPOSED to be for, I know, so in this case, things not going as planned there has been a good thing.
  I've discovered a few things in all my traveling this summer. One is that there feels like something is missing. Another is, it's really hard to find friends to travel with! Everyone is working or poor or married. Finding single independent people to travel with isn't easy, and traveling alone in Europe unaccompanied as a young woman? I only own one very small thing of pepper spray....So, what I've concluded, now that I'm broke, is that I'm going to wait to travel with my future hubby, pre-kids, and on a senior mission.

 I've one more trip to make that I'm saving up for, but otherwise my savings will now be used for more practical things. Maybe pay off my student loans a bit faster, get my windows tinted so that the flesh on my legs stays intact when I sit on the leather in my Lexus, etc. I end this blog with one last depressing thought: ONLY 5 MORE WEEKS TIL I GO BACK TO WORK! Walmart has had school stuff out since the beginning of July! *sigh* Summer is the most fleeting thing there is, no matter who's said differently before.

One handed typing skillage

   
Ole! Ok...done being weird n random now. I've been meaning to update my weight loss stuff buuutttt typin with one hand ain't easy so it will have to wait. I just noticed I didn't update in March at all and I can't believe that it's already May! I've been in a writing/reading mood lately so most of my "blogging" has been with pen and paper. I feel like it's more "authentic" that way I guess, and when the world "ends", I have a better chance of preserving records in a notebook than I do with a laptop/computer that needs electricity to work. Anyway....tangent, sorry.   
     I'll just do some quick updates. I've decided to go and teach at Chaparrall High School in Vegas. It was a tough decision and I don't think of the reality of it has settled in yet, but I've always been a person who doesn't like feeling content or having a life full of mediocrity; I don't stay long in the comfort zone! Neal A. Maxwell said, "True spirituality helps us to achieve balance between being too content with our present self and the equally dangerous human tendency we might have of wishing for more enlarged and impactful roles". I feel like moving to teach at Chaparrall with help me with the balance. It'll be a challenge, and I know I'm giving up a lot, but I hope the saying "With greater sacrifice comes greater blessings" will prove true. I'm looking forward to growing and learning from new colleaugues and new students living in a rough neighborhood. I know it's going to be a lot of hard work, but I feel like getting to be part of starting a school almost completely over again and getting the grad rate up in only 3 years will be invaluable experience for me as a professional/teacher, especially if I choose to take the administrative route.
    Idk where I'm going to live yet...I would to live in Summerlin, (Cheesecake Factory, Tilly's, Target, Whole Foods, and Barnes and Noble all on one shopping corner, hello?!) but it makes the commute longer as opposed to Green Valley/Henderson. The plan is to go to a couple of wards next week to get the vibes from there and see roommate options. What really matters to me is living in a home where the spirit can be present and with roommates who aid that. Even though I don't have my own family and own home yet, I want to make wherever my "home" is a happy place.
   Let's see what else...I signed up to be a summer school sub and went to a temp agency so I'm really hoping I can find a summer job. With a 7-10% pay cut coming up next year, I'm gonna need the extra cash with increased rent cost and what not. And since I'm not going to start my Master's with these stupid "lane freezes" CCSD is implementing, I'm gonna really want something to do with my time other than read books and hit the gym. In the past when I spent my summer's working for Nevada Power in Vegas, there were always valley-wide events with the singles ward so I am STOKED to spend as much time as possible having fun and meeting new people. Mesquite is a retirement community so I've been much deprived in that area, especially to the stark contrast it was moving from BYU. Here, too, I feel, I can improve and grow as a person. It's only a bonus if some of those people so happen to be hot men who are marriage-material :).

   Well, my hand is dyin so I'm gonna close for now. More updates later...

Better Together

    Pain can be used as a tool of focus. So I found out today as I was sitting in Stake Confernce and trying not to fidget too much on my butt cushion - yes, I brought one. Honestly, tell me one person who likes sitting on a metal chair for two hours straight? Recent biopsy's make sitting for a long time a painful deal, and I found myself being negative altogether and finding it hard to focus. All three talks so far had been about family. Why do they always talk about families? I found myself thinking. Don't they know there are youth and single adults who don't have families of their own yet? So, I admittedly tuned out and distracted myself with the cute baby sitting next to me. But then guilt starting setting in, and the pain intensified, and I had a sudden thought. WHat if I could focus on what was being said instead of the pain? Would that help?

    Just then something President Uchtdorf said caught my attention: "Satan stops us from using our time wisely and setting and reaching realistic goals." I've known that tv, internet, texting, pornography, movies - technology in general, really, can be some of these tools, but I'd never really thought about how he can use of those things to take the time we could be using to accomplish goals. No wonder families are destroyed and so much evil replaces it.

    He went on to say, "Families need to set spiritual goals." This too made me think. You always hear families should read and pray together, have FHE, etc, but I think a lot of us look at those of things that we should do, instead of goals to set and acheive. Setting goals can make it, well, I would argue, better. How much better do you feel knowing you set out to accomplish something and you do? The real reward is that feeling of accomplishment.

    So, let's say you set a goal to have your family complete the Book of Mormon by the end of summer, and if you do, you all get to go to Disneyland just before school starts. Have the kids have a goal to read as much as they can in fifteen minutes a day, and whoever reads the most at the end of each month gets a certain privilege. Ah...maybe that's too much of the competitive nature in me, and some would argue it as bribery, but much of the world works this way. Go to school? You get to graduate and go to college. You go to college? You get a better job. A better job? You get cars, homes, a way to provide for your family, etc. And those are all for good causes, and all good goals to set and achieve. A means to an end, and that end hopefully being happiness. I think that's what Heavenly Father wants us to have by setting goals.

    Anyway, I started thinking of what goals I wanted to have for my future family. FHE every week no matter if it always can't be on Monday. I want my kids to be involved in as many things as possible without it outbalancing anything - things to discover their talents, passions, and skills.  Family prayer and scripture study each night, and prayer and scripture study as a couple, then of course on our own. Seems like a lot of time, right? Well, split up between morning and night, and once become a habit, not as difficult as it seems.

    The blessings promised are well worth it anyway. Some President Uchtdorf included were strength, spiritual power, aide with focusing on our priorities, and peace not only in our individual lives, but our families, community, and ultimately the world. What more could our world use than peace at this time?

   Others? Definitely a date night a week with my hubby, one a month being a temple night date (a temple recommend and attendance was included as one of the three things President Uchtdorf said we need to do to rekindle our conversion). Traveling together as a family every summer. Going to some sort of event twice a month as a family, for example a sports game, a concert, a play, something cultural and enlightening you know? Movies are ok but meh, gotta mix it up a bit. I also want my husband to take our daughters out on daddy daughter dates and our sons on "boys weekend", camping trips, stuff like that. I too, of course, want to have individual time with each of the kids too. Favoritism must not exist. Of course, these aren't all set it stone. These are goals I want to set and decide with my husband - together.

    Even with all this goal setting, it's not a reality to think no evil will come or life won't still have its trials and difficulties. So, you have to have a plan to avoid evil when the choice is yours to. You can't just say, "Ok well I'm not gonna do something." You have to plan things to avoid whatever your weakness is, and also what to do when you come face to face with it. Setting and acheiving goals will give you the desire and strength to combat it all. There's no therapist or magic voodoo power that can do any better.

    Another thing President Uchtdorf said was that our families, especially our spouse, need to see and hear our testimony, to strengthen one another to grow in more love one with another. For me, I totally agree with this. There are very few things more attractive to me then a guy who is spiritually strong. When they bear their testimonies in Church, give a talk, teach a lesson - all only made better by a white shirt n tie with the sleeves rolled up lol, I find them preeetttyyy irresisitable. At any rate, setting that couples prayer and reading goal is a great way to accomplish this. Being able to teach my children and bear testimony is one of the few joys in this life I still have to look forward to, and I believe it will help home be a safe haven for them.

    I was thinking about that old cheesy video our youth leaders would show us in Sunday School. You know, the video that flashes back and forth between present day (early 90's back then) and olden times with soldiers at a battle camp. You see these kids in 80's clothes at a party, and as the kid gets closer and closer to making bad decisions, the soldiers remove more and more armor and become more and more careless and unaware of the enemy lying in wait in the trees. They flash back and show one kid who goes into a room with alcohol and a girl, and how, as a soldier, he gets killed by arrows from these enemies lying in wait. Then you've got the Captain Moroni type kid who is aware, keeps his armor on, and not only lives himself, but kills all the other enemies and saves the rest of his army.

   That's kind of how I see this goal setting and accomplishing. You protect yourself, your family, and those around you in ways no one else can. Moral of the story? Grateful for pain today. :)

70 Pounds And Counting...

    I know what you're saying. Holy long blog post! Yeah, it took me two hours and a half hours to do and I will probably fall asleep in Church tomorrow. But, a lot of people have been asking me what my secrets are to my recent weight loss, so I decided to finally get around to responding. I will probably disappoint a lot of people because there really is no single easy secret, but instead a long list of battles that have to be fought that aren't any fun.When was anything worthwhile easy after all? Cursed part of life that although I wish would change, the worthwhile things are always much more rewarding than those things that come easy. And usually more longlasting. Losing weight and determining what makes you happy is also very different for each person, an individual journey with tricks that work ONLY for you, but I will share what I can and hope something I write helps, inspires, or entertains you if nothing else...Pushing the negative realist in me aside, I will do my best to give as many tips and tricks as I can in this blog in hopes that it will help at least one person out there trying to feel better about themselves. I've been avoiding this for awhile because it's such a personal thing...those who know me know I'm pretty guarded and prefer to be a listener unless I really have something to say or am ticked off about something, but you have to want to take time to ask questions and get to know me. So, this wasn't easy for me...but really a large part of this has been to not care what others think and want to judge me for, and lately it's been impressed upon my mind that it's more important to help others than be selfish and fearful...so...here it goes. I'll start with my story. *gulp*
    Summer 2010. The month of July. I'd broken up with my boyfriend in May;  we'd been dating for a year and life had thrown me from cloud nine to rock bottom. The past two months had involved me sitting on my couch stuffing my face or lying in my bed sleeping or crying. It was my way of "coping" with finding out the person I had received confirmation of marrying had cheated on me and lied on numerous occassions about pretty much everything. They ain't jokin when they say love is blind. Anyway, sob story aside, it had a bigger physical effect on my body than I could have anticipated. I started having severe stomach pain, fevers, and all sorts of other unhappy things happening to my body. I remember asking the bishopric to come over and give me a blessing and I was so sick I was shaking, sweating, jittery, clamy - a complete wreck. Even before that, in May I had hurt my back lifting my heavy laptop bag, so I saw my chiropractor every week through August trying to get the pain to go away. My weight was back to where it was in high school, well over 200 pounds. I exercised, but not even close to enough to balance out or exceed the number of calories I was consuming and the extreme amounts of stress I was under.
      I had slowly been gaining weight over the past two years of my teaching at Virgin Valley High School. Anyone who knows me from high school or before knows I've never been skinny - the reasons for me bein a fat kid will not be touched on here, as that would be an entire book in itself, but I'm glad to say those days are behind me. Those who know me from BYU,  I lost 60 lbs during my sophomore year, motivated by the magazine perfection of the girls around me and the number of guys NOT paying attention to me at BYU. I ran 5 miles everyday, lifted weight three times a week, and starved because I had no money to buy food. It was great to be skinny, but it didn't last, and the guys that went after me were all creepers or douschebags (sorry Mom, but the word is so fitting!). I gained a bit back before my mission but it was after college that it really went back on. I didn't handle the stress and demands of my new profession very well at all at first. Stress has always been and always will be my greatest enemy, and trying to finish the rest of my college in a year and starting as a new teacher/coach in a small town ran by parents was a stress jackpot.
    Back to summer. I finally went in to see my doctor and so began the testing. Lots of blood testing, scans, gyno visits, xrays of my liver and kidneys, everything but the ONE test I needed that my insurance company wouldn't cover. He kept assuring me it wasn't ulcers but after getting no results and the insurance company not budging, he finally gave me some ulcer meds and *presto*, after a week or so the pain went away. The day after I got the meds from the doctor, I went in to the dermatologist to get some more face wash and what not. It was a new dermaT, the new PA, and he looked at my face for about five seconds and said, "I do not like the look of this." I was a bit taken aback, but soon realized he wasn't talking about my ugly mug, but about moles. He began poking at my neck and said, "Yeah those are gonna have to come off." Two months later I had four biopsy's and two incisions resulting in nasty scars for removal and treatment of a type of skin cancer called malenoma. My body didn't react well to the stitches or bandaging and I got infections and some big hyrablahblahblah scarring. I knew I wasn't doing well, but ulcers and skin cancer? REALLY?? Let's just say it wasn't my summer.
    It was then I realized that I needed to start taking care of myself and get healthy. It hadn't been spelled out for me and the doctor's hadn't said a word about my weight, but for me it was clear as day. I knew it would be difficult to work out with my new incisions on my back, neck, and arms, and I also didn't know what the best way was to go about changing my eating habits of fast food and on the go type stuff since I was too depressed and poor to buy good foods and cook. A few friends had recommended HCG to me, so I researched that for about a week and gave it a try for a month. I wasn't too happy having to pay $300 for it on top of all my other medical bills, but I was desperate. So for a month I ate 500 calories a day of purely organic foods and spices and put drops under my toungue. I lost 30 lbs in month, but I was HATING my life, more than I was already hating it for how I felt emotionally. People were also badmouthing me behind my back about going on such an "evil cheater" diet and against the word of wisdom and pathetic and so on didn't help either.
     Why was I so miserable? Saying that HCG is an INSANELY strict diet is an understatement. You can eat like 3 types of meat, 3 types of veggies, and 3 types of fruit n that is IT. You have to weigh out everything you eat and if you go under or over or accidentally add something that wasn't on the list you wouldn't lose any weight that day. It was a nightmare having to be so meticulous and spending so much time cooking every single meal and having to pack it. Going to Newport Beach on it was laughable. However, I stopped craving sugar and found I had enough energy to go about a normal day. I felt better than I had in YEARS. Yet, I knew it wasn't a lifestyle I could maintain and that I couldn't live like that for another month. So I started the maintenance phase then went into the dreaded calorie counting and workout regime. It was difficult to eat more than 800-1000 calories after eating so little, but a big part of HCG you have to do in order not to gain the weight back is jumping back to the normal calorie count or you end up gaining it all back. Sounds weird but it's how HCG works - and it certainly did work.
    From the end of August through October I ate about 1100 calories and day, and once my incisions had healed enough, I began extremely rigorous workouts. I'm talkin P90X, Biggest Loser DVD's, running 3-4 miles a day, Jillian Michael personal trainer DVD's, etc. If I'm not sore the next day then I know I didn't push it enough. I combine cardio with strength/toning for the quickest results. I faithfully work out 6 days a week, anywhere from 20-90 minutes a day. The newest thing is shorter more intense interval type metabolism boosting workouts, and let me tell you, the whipped the weight off SO quick and my body shaped and toned at a crazy fast rate.
      Then, sometime in October our school started a "Biggest Loser VVHS", which was easy for me to transition into. I had to increase my calories some more, but I did it slowly enough to where it worked out. From October-January 4th ish I lost 30 more pounds. On that particular BL competition, I was required to eat a certain amount of fruit and vegetables, take a multivitamin, drink a certain amount of water, no eating 3 hours before bed, count my calories, all of those tricks anyone and everyone should do whether they are on a diet or not. After that I've lost about ten more pounds. I still have ten to go to be at "the weight I'm supposed to be", but would like to lose about 20 more. I wanna look rockin' in a bikini - the Mormon tankini version of it of course. 
    So, what I'm sure you want to know is HOW I did it. I gave you all the physical logistics, but what weight loss really comes down to is what you're motivated by, and if that's enough for you. You have to know yourself pretty well, have to find out what makes you tick and run with it. Being 28 and single, I feel I know myself pretty well - I know what you're all thinking..an advantage to being a single LDS girl? What?! But anyway, for me, mine started out as a health issue, but I've narrowed it down to four things that make me tick: competition, accountability, consequences, and perfectionism.
     Accountability. I'm the kind of person that needs to have some sort of obligation to some sort of program, and it's that obligation that makes me feel so guilty that I will not veer from it in any way shape or form. Being raised as a member of the LDS Church and by a father who had strict demands and extremely harsh punishments, I'm very familiar with accountability. My job kinda is all accountability too, so I'm just programmed that way. You have accountability to the Lord, your calling, the Bishop, your leaders, your boss, your parents, your teachers, your grades, yourself, your university/school, paying the bills, soceity, friends, etc etc etc. You just have to look at dieitng the same way. With HCG, it was the fear of gaining crazy amounts of weight if I cheated, and knowing I had to weight in and get measured with my dietician each week. With Biggest Loser VVHS, we had a food journal, a log to fill out everyday, and a weekly weigh in. I'm going to be starting WeightWatchers on Thursday to get the last 20 pounds off because it has that accountability factor I need: weigh ins, a certain amount of points you can't go over, meetings, etc.
     Perfectionism and competition. For some people guilt, fear, or disappointment isn't enough to motivate them, but for me it's all that matters. I HATE feeling guilty or disappointed and I am SUPER hard on myself because my Dad was/is. The consequences of feeling that way drive me to do what I have to even if I don't want to. So along with my dad and being a member of the Church, I was raised a perfectionist and if I don't do perfect I hate myself. This ties in with the competition part. There was another guy at the school that would come and harrass me everyweek and the only one close to my numbers. I've played sports since the time I was like 4, staring with ballet through rugby. I don't like to lose and I'm not going to be ok with losing unless I know I gave 100%, even if it's just a board game. It also helped there was a $100 on the line..which I still have yet to see lol.
    Conseuquences is probably the biggest thing you have to ask yourself if you really care about; it's interwoven with desires, motivations, happiness, etc. For me, I knew if I ate that piece of pizza, that I was going to have to work out for an hour, and not just an easy eliptical workout. Running 4 miles or a tough workout DVD type workout, on top of not being able to eat much else for the day. It came down to, "Is eating this really worth all that effort?" The gasping for air drenched in sweat insanely sore me says NO each time. On top of that, I HATED how I felt. The guilt, stressing about the possible weight gain, thinking I looked fatter in the mirror, having to wait even longer to buy clothes that actually fit me....as a girl, this is a huge motivator because I have like 2 pairs of pants that I have to tie up with a belt and a  few shirts n that's it, but I WILL NOT buy new clothes until I'm where I want to be. I caved and bought a pair of jeans and a pair of work pants around Christmas and my birthday because I just looked effing ridiculous, but that has been it. Any other clothes I had from the time in college where I was skinny. But I wasn't happy when I messed up. I'm happier when I do what I'm supposed to and see the great results than giving in to the short term desires.
    So, first secret. Find out what works for you. Some people it's having to be in a swimsuit, wanting to impress a guy or girl, wanting to fit into an old pair of jeans, not being able to do things "normal" people can do, whatever it is, you gotta put that as more important than all the desires of your flesh or heart. You have to want it more than you want anything else (gospel related things aside).
   Two: Tell yourself you want the long term results more than the short term gratifications. Yeah I can eat that donut but then I'll feel guilty for like a week and not lose that extra pound and be depressed about being knocked back by that. When I was in high school my Dad would drag me out of bed every morning at 5 am and make me go running with him. I already hated getting up early to be at early morning seminary at 6:30, so getting up even earlier than that as a teenage girl? Yeah. Every day, before we would start to run, my Dad would pull a Babe Ruth pose and point up the sky and say, "Out there is what you want. You have to want that more than you want the short term results." And then we ran all the way around town, and I was NOT allowed to stop. Back then I hated him for that. Now I see the principle he was trying to teach me and am a firm believer in it. It really works.
  Three: The litte things make all the difference. The multivitamin, all four servings of vegetables, working out 6 days instead of 4 or 5. They take time to add up and make a difference, but there is no denying the results. And you don't have to be perfect. As long as you are doing better than the way you used to be and are slowly breaking habits, you'll see results! (Wow, been doing too many workout DVD's, soundin like one of them.) But really, baby steps are good.
   Four, you need support not people bagging you being on a diet and eating crap around you. I was really lucky and am still lucky to have a roommate on the same page as me. If all else fails there's the big Man upstairs. Believe me, I've been prayin my guts out since May til now and will continue to do so for help with this. You cannot do it alone; support from someone is a must.
   And last, but the most important, number five is simply commitment and balance. It is a huge mental, emotional, physical, psychological TIME DEMANDING commitment. You have to think about everything you do and don't do towards your goal and you have to take the time to make it a priority. You have to be willing to give up a lot in order to get it. A lot of that time is spent learning how to balance and juggle and still have a well rounded life where you are meeting your other priorities, and it is WORK and it is NOT easy. 
   It was worth it for me. You just have to find out if it is for you, as it is with all things in life, really... so, let the battle rage on.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite/Least Favorite Things

This is completely random, and not as good as I hope it's going to be, because if I don't write down things right when I think of them, they are pretty much gone for good, but lately I've been thinking about what things make me tick, and tick me off. This post will be added to time and time again as things come.

If there's any bonus to being single at my age, it's that I feel like I know who I am, what I want, where I'm going, and what makes me happy.

Here are some random things I don't like. I'll top it off with the sweet stuff after...

1.) The white rind stuff on oranges. Disgusting. And the little thread-like stuff on bananas. Eww.
2.) Nails being scratched down a chalkboard, metal scrapping against sidewalk, anything that induces bad chills, really.
...I just realized that any individual could read this and use this to their advantage to torture me...shiiiiiiii...
3.) The sound of people eating. Yeah, grosses me out. I also hate the scraping of silverware against plates that you can hear too if it's too quiet.
4.) Bleachers with no back to lean against. Same with movie theatre chairs with no tilt.
5.) Along with 4, bad seats at movies. I'll go pretty early to get middle-middle.
6.) Seeing old people suffer. I RARELY cry, but I will burst into tears at the sight of such a thing.
7.) Twangy country music. Makes me think of that joke, "What do you get when you reward a country song?" "Well you get lots of things back. Your dog back, your exwife, your old pick up, and your glass of beer full again." Yeah.
8.) People looking over my shoulder when I'm doing something. Nosy nosy nosy.
9.) Hypocrits. Glad the Savior backs me up on this one.
10.) Wet socks. And a close second to that is cold feet.
11.) The smell of a candle being blown out. Dip it in the wax please, or get a candle warmer. It burns my retinas and my throat and oww/painful.

Things I Love:
1.) Flowers
2.) The smell and sound of rain, and if it makes a mist, even better.
3.) Guys dressed up for Church, with sleeves unbuttoned and rolled up the elbows. Yum.
4.) Post it notes and any other office supplies. Staples is like Christmas every time I walk in.
5.) The smell of coffee. Probably comes from my scottish Grandmother making it in the mornings when she would visit us growing up.
6.) Accents. Yeah, I wanna marry a guy with one. But if he is just really good at imitating them, I'll settle.
7.) Rainbows. I want to punch whoever associated them with homosexuals, because their real symoblism and meaning is what makes them really beautiful.
8.) Bookstores. Probably why I love Europe so much. I can spend forever in these puppies.
9.) Babies - in a totally non-creepy way! I get ridiculously giddy around them, and they all seem to like me. I think it's that fresh-from-heaven factor I like so much.
10.) Cuddling. It's like a hug but even better. And if it involves a beautiful landscape or a great movie, even better. It's a non ho-bagish intimacy that it just too sweet. I love seeing old people cuddled up on a bench. Too too cute.
11.) Surprises! Love love love them.

Well....11 for each will do for now. Guess it's my weird reflections before the New Year. 2011. Weird!

Late Nights and Loritab

   Teaching a Sunday School Lesson and Relief Soceity Lesson on top of attending a Relief Soceity President traning all in one day, all whilst under the influence of pain medication is a feat I wish upon no person. I don't really remember what I taught, and I'm hoping that's because my endless supplication for the Spirit to help me teach, and not because of the drugs. I THINK it was the first and not the latter because of all the great compliments and thank you's I got for the lessons, so my eternal salvation seems to be alright for now, thanks to the Lord.
   What I do remember from the Sunday School lesson was talking about God's law being written upon our hearts, and me comparing those little sweetheart candies with Valentine messages to OUR hearts, saying that we should have the words "God's Law" written on them instead. (Cheesy but genius right?! =D haha.) I quickly added that it was completely alright and neccessary for our spouses to have part of that heart and that God's law could be central being that I was teaching to bunch of LDS Singles and a branch presidency and their wives. After some smiles and chuckles my Branch President raised his hand and said, "That right there is the reason my wife was so attractive to me and why I married her. Because God's law was and is written on her heart."
  My immediate thought, which actually caused a delay in my response to his comment was, "What ever happened to men who think like that?!" Men who desire women who live their lives with hearts and eye single to the glory of God? Any guy out there reading this will say, "Oh please sister, get off your soapbox and quit being so bitter, it's not all about the looks", but looking at the statistics and lots of married and divorced friends of mine, those men seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth.
    I've found in my 27 years of experience with men - no, boys, that the more spiritual, educated, confident, and independent a woman is, the more quickly they tuck their tail between their legs and run. As my best friend's grandfather would say, "You gotta find a guy that isn't afraid of his own ass."
   I mean, think about it. In 30 years I will be wrinkly and gray and my looks will be gone. So what will be left and what will matter when I'm seeking to continue to raise a righteous family and have a relationship with my husband that needs to last for ETERNITY??  Certainly not how "HOT" I am or how much I put out. We'll be resurrected and have "perfect bodies",right? (And I certainly hope we're all ok with whatever God's idea of perfect is), so why does it have to be perfect now? Why do so many girls kill themselves at the gym, eat hardly anything, and spend loads of times and money on how they look when we're all supposed to live our lives with an eternal perspective?
   Even 20 years from now it won't matter how good I look in a bikini, but whether or not my husband feels he can tell me anything and talk about everything with open honesty despite both of our faults and weaknesses. What type of testimony I'm instilling in my children, and continuing to strengthen individually and as a couple. ETC, ETC, ETC... *sigh*
     My roommate and I joke that I'm going to adopt an adorable African baby and name him Francois, but as time goes on I'm starting to think that sounds a whole lot better than having to spend my life trying to match up to the physical aspects guys want instead of doing what I've been taught: to better my personality, and better myself spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and personality...y..in prepartion.for marriage and motherhood and JOY in eternal life.
    Now don't get me wrong. I am NOT saying ALL guys are like this, OR that there are some girls who fit this mold too. Anyone who knows me knows that I've mostly had all guy friends my whole life, and there are many of them who are married and fantastic husbands and fathers, married to the types of women guys should want. I also very firmly believe you HAVE to have chemistry, attraction, butterflies, heart flutters, etc, with the person you want to marry. NOR am I saying that all the guys in this world need to go and marry a very spiritual but ugly Ogre.
    But when a guy wants a date, and is weighing the possibilities, the likelihood of him sitting there thinking which girl has the better personality, who's the better person, or, "Wow she's got an amazing testimony" isn't what's on their mind - it's who's the nicest to look at; who will make them feel like a man, who won't overshadow them or make them feel guilty or insecure, but who will make them feel macho. My roommate calls them "the ball-less wonders" - guys who aren't insecure or intimidated by someone who will challenge or match them in those good Godly ways.
    It seems spirituality, once thought as "hot" or attractive, has been replaced by the Stepford Wives...maybe the second coming is a whole lot closer than I thought. Or maybe I need to not blog on pain medication :)

Chicken Pecking and Cartels

   Typing this all with my left fingers will be a special unseen treat for all of you. Bitterness aside, a few weeks ago I had the opportunity...no, let me back up. I, for some CRAZY reason, decided I'd join the PE department in Vegas for their CTE training and workshops instead of staying and working in my classroom for a staff development day.Besides factoring in the major hotties bound to be there, I'm a coach and I minored in PE in college so it worked. What I wasn't expecting was coming away from it scarred in every way possible - and feeling completely sheltered.
   Our second workshop choice? Mexican Drug Cartels. "What the crap does THAT kind of workshop have to do with being a PE/Health teacher?" is the question I'm sure you're all thinking. Don't worry, I asked the same one. But as I walked out the door of the high school that day, I was almost mad and afraid for those who didn't get to go to it.
     After listening to a session led by a member of the LV Drug Force who coulda snapped me in half with his little finger (while successfully wrapping my friend around it in the process), I left the session having seen a beheading, brains on the ground from a shoot out, heads and limbs draped in trees around and on top of an ATM machine, and a number of other shocking images. Granted, they had a full disclosure and warning about such graphic images, but that didn't soften the blow any. How is it that there are 13 drug cartels in CCSD and I was oblivious to it?
    On a positive note, I did leave armed with the knowledge that my students who had any John Deer, White Scorpion, or Ferrari symbols on their clothing, body, or cars belonged to one of the 13 drug cartels prominent in Vegas - but it was more unnerving than comforting. I left that session only to have an African American Las Vegas Metro Cop preach/yell in my face about the other gangs in Las Vegas and how his son stabbed his leather couch to death, weaved with more disturbing images like the video from the Columbine shooting and other school shootings, then ending with listening to an eightish year old kid calmly confess to shooting his father to death and that a teacher had shot himself in the head for receiving a bad evaluation just the day before. What was going on?! Then, last but not least, onto the last session to listen to a woman say "bodily opening"  and "penetration" repetitvely in a sexual assault class.
   Why we didn't go to the dance classes or nutrition for teens is beyond me, but somehow I left glad I hadn't! Call me sick or think what you will, but how many times has ignorance and being oblivious led to terrible things? What bothered me most was how sheltered I felt. I've spent my whole life making fun of Utahrds and dealing with no-brain Molly Mormons who are the epitomy of sheltered. And there I was, a small town Nevadan who served a mission in the murder capitol of the world, feeling exposed to "the real world". It took me a full 32 hours to feel the shock leave my body completely and to realize this hypocrisy and reality. Why do people like parents, the government, even religions, shelter those they are over? Is ignorance really bliss? Then why is knowledge power? Cleave unto every good thing, right? But does that mean you shouldn't be knowledgeable about the world you live in?
    Just last week one of the nicest boys in my class was suspended for having gang related material in his backpack, a gang I would've never heard of had I not gone to this workshop. I find the most ignorant people on this planet never watch or read the news or have any idea of what's going on in the world, yet they, whoever "they" is, says that we're better off that way. So does the soceity in the book I'm reading with my freshmen, Fahrenheit 451, a soceity closely modeled after Hitler's Nazi Germany. And look what happened to them.
   Yes, I was in shock, and yes, I felt scarred, but what do I feel now? Empowered, and somehow more protected! So yes, cleave unto every good thing, but know your enemies. Secret combinations aka gangs, mafia's, what have you, are secret for a reason, and I'm not advocating that you go out and study their practices or live amongst them, or try and get an interview with 'em, but educate yourself enough for the good of others and protection. Should you live your life in a way to steer clear of evil? Absolutely. But don't you have to know what the evil is so you can make a plan to never go near it and overcome it?
   I'm glad I went, and I'm glad for a career with continuing education. I will also be glad when my arm is healed and I can type my usual 93 WPM...too.